AhrimanThorn12875

Super Users; what are they? Why are they? And what do they smell like? Some of these questions and many others will be dealt with; inaccurately in this blog.
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So what is a Super User?
We really are just like the little people here (the ordinary users) except that we have been given access to the biscuit tin and we have to wear a special skin tight Lycra uniform. The uniform takes some getting used to but I hardly notice people pointing and laughing at me in the street anymore. If I could change one thing about the uniform it would be the hand embroidered glitter ponies that bradstheannoying insists must be prominently displayed on the left buttock.
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How do I become a Super User?
There are many paths to becoming a super user and they are all fraught with danger. You can pass The Trials of KAT if you are feeling really brave. The trials will involve passing tests that may or may not involve fire (It will definitely involve fire) and are so hard to pass that to date no one has ever actually passed. Alternatively you could offer up some kind of service to the higher powers; that’s what I did to become a super user, and after three nights of scrubbing with a wire brush and bleach I managed to get myself very nearly clean again. (The tremors will be with me for life though, because no amount of cleaning can fix a broken mind)
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Are Super Users really super?
That’s a good question and the answer is fairly simple; yes we are. I don’t really have any special powers but I have found that since being made a super user I am right nearly all of the time about everything, which makes doing the job significantly easier.
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Are Super Users picked because they are more attractive than ordinary people?
I am glad someone thought to ask this question because obviously it’s not something I would have brought up myself. It is true that we are more desirable, but it’s hard to know if we were always so blessed, or if it is a direct result of the raw naked power we now exude.
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How do Super Users become Mods?
Nobody actually knows for sure how this process works because the Mods have no memories of the transformation they themselves have undergone. The best guess scientists have today, is that it is some sort of evolutionary process that strips a super user of all of their inhibitions and their natural sense of compassion for their fellow human beings. Super users have been witnessed falling into a deep sleep that is not dissimilar to a reptile’s torpor or hibernation, and they have been seen then, waking with a ravenous hunger for spammers and kittens, and this is how a mod is born.
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What happens if a Super User turns evil?
This is quite rare because one of the things that super users are picked for is their innate goodness and inner strength. Of course it can happen and this is why new super users are terrorised with stories of The White One, or told that Old Snake Eyes will get you if you misbehave.
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What do Super Users smell like?
We smell just like you, but a bit more fragrant. If you smell mint or cinnamon it could mean a super user has just posted something wise and brilliant in a thread.
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Am I being watched by Super Users?
Yes you are; all the time, even when your computer is switched off and you are sleeping soundly in your bed. Super users are here to help and so sometimes it is necessary to sneak around outside people’s homes at night and peer in through the windows. We don’t do this because it is funny, (although it often is) and we don’t do it because we want to, (we do want to) we do it because we care about you and we want to keep you safe.
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Will I really have to wear a uniform with glitter ponies on it?
If you need to ask that question you are probably not made of the right stuff and should just give up on your dreams right now.
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I hope that the recent surge in the creation of super users has not been to disconcerting for people here, and that in some way my informative and almost partially true blog has helped to remove some of the barriers people feel are created when an ordinary and quite plain little user, is plucked from obscurity and transformed into the wondrous and slightly glittery marvel that is a super user.
AhrimanThorn.

KatStar has a slightly different take on Super Users (probably not quite as accurate) and you can read about it Here