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JimBeamLean5519

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Unanswered Prayers

posted 24 Jun 2012, 03:07
Well.... I'm not a very strongly religious person; I desecrate my "temple" with substance abuse and a hell of a lot of tattoos; but why can't Jehovah God hear me!?

My entire life has been based upon pain, and I'm fucking SICK of it! Looking back, I see that I was trained to be a heartless individual, that was able to withstand enormous amounts of physical pain, but did you ever stop to think of what I may want for myself?! I'M NOT GOING TO BE YOUR FIRE SWORD ANY FUCKING MORE!!!!!

YOU deal with the fucked up people you created, cause my time of absolute hatred IS DONE! It isn't the way I want to be, no matter what your intentions were.

Every single time I beat some worthless piece of shit into a bloody mess, I was in some way rewarded. And if I don't do it, I have horrible "luck" in my life.

I'm not trying to say I have some kind of "divine intervention" in my life, because that would be arrogant, but there is definitely something there when your able to destroy people that are half a foot taller and outweigh you by a lot of pounds on a regular basis.

I just want to be happy, for once in my fucking life, that's all. I've served my time, just let me be happy. The person that I've grown into wont live much longer, and has never been happy.

Less of a blog than it is a letter to Jehovah God

Top Comments

4
Wicked_Apparatus1519 • 24 Jun 2012, 03:31
I traded faith for fate a long time ago. Everything happens the way it does for a reason. The sad thing is, most of the bad things in life happen to good people. Sometimes we just have to hang on to that calm, and brace for the next storm... eh, idk if I made any sense there. Heres a good calm before the storm song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiTtWnx_rjY.
3
ScubaLoo12946 • 24 Jun 2012, 04:04
Sometimes you have to lose sight of the shore to find land Jim.
I guess what I am saying is just letting go can be enough to start a change.
3
Smittech34288 • 24 Jun 2012, 04:22
Some times a change in your environment makes a difference. Find new friends and dump the old ones. (Just a thought)smile

All Comments

0
optimist3518 • 13 September 2012, 03:35  Show comment
Atheist for a reason i am. None the less, great blog bro!
0
Convict_1224 • 25 June 2012, 04:09  Show comment
Evey thing happens for a reason God never gives you more than you can handle, maybe the reason you going threw this is to help people out in the same situation your in. these life experience's will make you stronger put your trust in Him.I have did alot of time in Prison the worst of the worst but it made who I am today and I thank God for it it changed my life for the good.
1
magicpotions1211 • 24 June 2012, 13:19  Show comment
When you say "cause my time of absolute hatred IS DONE!" with that decision your personal healing process should have beguin towards acceptance and tolerance, what does not mean that you became numb or have lost your free will to decide what is best, for you, at your own eyes. Many say that we make our own lucky witch could be as simple as being in the right place at the right time with the right disposition of all parts involved. That is not luck that is random. Einstein sayd that "God does not play dice with the universe", but in life we have to learn how to play with all the odds and that is virtual impossible to deal with, somewhere, somehow, we will fail, unfortunately. Best wishes to you.
1
SirSeedsAlot52840 • 24 June 2012, 12:37  Show comment
Let yourself be happy, Fire Sword....
1
Stargazer1016765 • 24 June 2012, 10:32  Show comment
(But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it).You were born with free will mate and it,s up to you to choose the path you will travel.You have the tools you need to change and you sound like your searching for inner peace and all you need to do is look at this blog to see your not alone and many are here to support you and i wish you all the best doing sowink
2
TheShow13127 • 24 June 2012, 10:12  Show comment
I'm an honest man, but I'm not a "good" man.

Please direct me to the definition of what a "good" man is. Everyone makes mistakes or does things that they later regret, does that make you a bad person?? I don't think so...
Mistakes are made so you can learn from them. Wouldn't life be boring if we all walked on the straight and narrow and never had any regrets.....
0
February14267 • 24 June 2012, 09:40  Show comment
You can change from the person you are to the person you want to be. I did. You can. At first it's a minute by minute process. Constantly making yourself take a different path. Walk away before the urge to pound takes control. Slowly it changes and you start seeing results. Now it's an hourly process. Then comes daily. The light can be seen. It's a long and slow process but it can happen. Just how strong is your desire? That's what will make or break you. Will there be set backs? Yep. Life is one long series of set backs. Can you challenge yourself to overcome? If so, can you meet that challenge?
1
big g 6437360 • 24 June 2012, 09:31  Show comment
i wish i had some words of wisdom for you mate but i don't,all i can do is wish you luckwink
1
Pick_n_Roll19384 • 24 June 2012, 06:35  Show comment
One more thing, there is nothing like god, you're just what you are, came alone and will go alone :)
Life is like a play/drama. Childhood is the start, adultery is the climax and an old man in the ending of the play :)
3
ScubaLoo12946 • 24 June 2012, 09:18  Show comment
*chortle*....Adultery. biggrin
0
Pick_n_Roll19384 • 24 June 2012, 09:20  Show comment
nothing to laugh, just go have sex!
0
Pick_n_Roll19384 • 24 June 2012, 06:31  Show comment
Rated R by PEGI!
Don't know what to say, but just do what makes you happy (but first I need to learn it) biggrin
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