posted 25 May 2013, 07:41
For a long time I fought with the heartbreak of the situation with my ex. I know some of you were thinking, dude its just one failed relationship. But to me, it was more than that, and it was a manifestation of my bad habbit of always trying to find good in people where it doesn't exist.▼28 comments
Its been over a year sense she broke my heart, cheated on me, and lied to all my friends ruining friendships. Now, my feelings toward her are no longer hostile. I, being friends with some of her family, occasionally see a glimpse of her in a picture. And it reminds me of the fact that even though she did all of that, part of me still loves her and wishes that she would have let me show her real love. Now, shes a drugged out mom of a baby, with a shitty guy, living a shitty life. It was always the life she wanted. I was merely one of her boy toys. But a few times I saw something inside of her.....the inner beauty that still remained despite years of coruption. I have even had dreams of her, where we were happy. Sometimes I still look beside me wishing she was there. In my mind, there is no greater pain then giving your entire heart to a person who never gave a damn. When I say I moved on, I mean I moved on from the hatred phase. Now, I just pity her, and secretly hope that she will clean herself up, open her eyes and see what she lost, and find her way back to me a new woman ready for a new life. But I know its just a fool's dream pepetuated by my sadness of being alone. People intend to make me feel better by telling me how good of a guy I am, but all it does is cause me pain because in my mind a guy who is as awesome as they say wouldn't have to walk through hellfire everyday alone, wishing that someone would love me. To me, that is a plight that is meant to befall someone who breaks hearts because they can....ruins lives, and abilities to love.
I am very young, I am very strong, and very smart, but one problem I never could solve was my own heart. My life is not bad, because I work 11 hour nights every week to make sure it isn't. Nights like this, though, just remind me that at the end of the day, the only thing I really want is someone to love me. I know it sounds pathetic, and honestly anyone who thinks im pathetic can shove it.....because truth be told, I grow weary of other men belitting me for wanting a real relationship, and not a "hit it and quit it" relationship.
So my friends, my Kat brothers and sisters, answer me two questions:
1. Am I a pathetic fool for having these feelings?
2. Am I really so bad for wanting something real?
I cant seem to answer either one of those questions. I just grow tired of going it alone. Of watching women I love walk out of my life, powerless to stop it. Im tired of watching beautiful women be beaten, treated like shit, and complain about wanting a good man while being completely blind to the one standing before them. Lastly, I am tired of wishing for my princess, and finding only scurges...FML!
posted 27 Apr 2013, 23:02
Over time, I have watched kat radio evolve from being a side project to a hugely respected and admired part of the community. Our wizards have even integrated its own set of achievements site side, and many people who look after the site have gained massive respect, and rightfully so.▼62 comments
Now, the kat radio is in trouble, and I feel it is up to us now to save it. So, if you love kat radio, if you respect it, and all its done for the community, then you will fight with me to save it.
How do we save it? Simple. We unite, and we convince the wizards to move it onto kat servers and officially migrate it into the main site. Who's with me?
posted 21 Apr 2013, 08:24
"Fundamentally insane to the membrane, unable to cope
The blood hounds lynch themselves and my words are the rope
So tired of the chains binding our minds
Its time to open your eyes and leave this matrix behind
As the walls around you fall unto the earth
Your misconceptions give way to hope, a new era is birthed "
I quoted those words from a song I wrote long ago, because those words, for me, hold the most meaning. Be you a conspiracy theorist, a truther, a whistle blower, or just your average joe, it is no mystery that there is something very wrong with this country, and the world for that matter. However, for the sake of having a single focus point for this morning's blog, I'll talk about this country as an example.
For every tragedy, there seems to be a political push that follows. For years I would continue to live my life, blinded by my distractions and stressful day to day life, too distracted to see this scary trend. Is it merely coincidence that the news constantly reports shootings only when a gun confiscation law is being proposed into the senate? Or hacking news when trying to pass Internet censorship? Well, my belief system and moral code does not allow me the luxury of coincidence. Because of that, I will start to connect some of these dots for you. If you don't believe it, that is up to you, all I ask is that you be civil in your disagreement.
Television programming is called that for a reason. Cable companies and the government owned media use it to subliminally project images and stories, usually emotional in nature or violent to provoke reaction, pushing you to side with their esoteric agenda. The government has been taken over by the ruling class, a thirteen family super elite some refer to as the Illuminati. They own the FED, they control our economy, and they orchestrate, perpetuate, and/or facilitate certain tragedies when it suits their plans. Don't believe me? Lets discuss an example.
9/11, rather you believe it was a terrorist group or an inside job, is a good example of programming. They used the events of 9/11 to their advantage, rather they possessed inside knowledge about it or not. We were then put into a war we were told was about WMDs, and it turned out to be nothing more than a reason to invade and take certain natural resources, of which by the way, is one of the biggest opium veins discovered in the middle east, and would anyone like to take a wild guess on which country consumes the most opium? (CHINA)! Thats right folks, 9/11 was used as a reason to bomb a country, take their oil, and take their opium to use as leverage over the Chinese because of our growing debt. Don't believe me? Look it up for yourself. The facts are out there.
The world as you see it is a lie. All around us are symbolism, subliminal advertising, and other messages hiding in plain site, because they think you're too stupid to see it. Folks, we now live in a world where you can't take your family to the movies, your children to school, or even go to work without having to wonder if some lunatic is gonna shoot up the place. Do you honestly think that giving up your rights and freedom for the sake of false promises will save us from this? Do you think that giving up your guns, for example, will stop crime? It wont! In fact, according to this article: http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2013/01/03/FBI-More-People-Killed-With-Hammers-and-Clubs-Each-Year-Than-With-Rifles more people are killed with hammers and clubs a year than rifles! But of course the media wont report that those statistics are coming from the same agency trying to tell you that guns are evil, and that the only way to save ourselves is to hand them over.
Do you not see whats going on here? The president is a puppet, politicians are corrupt, and what was supposed to be the unspoken fourth branch of government used as a watch dog for the American people, has turned into a vein of disinformation and deception. The super rich who control this country don't care about me, about you, your family, or anyone but themselves. They are destroying this, and other countries, from the inside out attacking first their economy, then their rights, then their food and water supply, and eventually the people themselves. It occurs constantly throughout history. I am so tired of people bitching that things need to change, and not doing anything to stop it. We expect leaders to rise up and help us lead a resistance, and yet when a leader is silenced, the people too are silenced. They control us through fear, through mind games. I, for one, will fight them with everything I have, using my mouth, my keyboard, and even my body as a canvas to paint them a picture that says I wont be controlled.
If you truly want change, you'll do the same!
We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.
posted 25 Feb 2013, 05:10
It has been a long time sense I have been on here long enough to type a blog, or talk to a lot of the people I have gotten close to on here and for that I am sorry.▼18 comments
As some of you know, I was working day shift at a shipyard and was miserable. I passed a welding test short arc, and transfered to night shift. I make 16.25 an hour now, and have gotten away from the people who made me miserable. However, I am now faced with a new issue. My new spot has been putting immense levels of pressure and stress on me, because there isn't much to weld and what there is left to weld is pretty difficult. I am trying my best. My bosses see that, but I make mistakes still and am trying to learn, and it stresses me out to the point of dread, and extended thought even when I am not physically there. The fact that I had to miss 2 and a half days this past week due to a stomach virus, and couldn't go to the doctor, only adds to my stress levels. The pressure on me has even distracted me from my goal, the CompTIA certification. I need people pushing me, reminding me, because this job is a lot on me and I cant see myself being able to stay there for an extended period of time.
I am faced with the honesty of the truth. I am unhappy where I am, and would kill for something better. This job has blessed me in many ways, making sure I dont want for anything. But, I know my true passion can and will take me further, if what is currently on my plate does not cause me to have a stroke first.
I am impatient and I stress too much over things, and as much as I wish I didn't, its not easy changing something that has defined you for your entire life. Sense a young age I have had to work hard, deal with people I don't like, and constantly sacrifice for the sake of earning something better. I need people pushing me, motivating me, but most of all I need someone long term, to support me, love me, and keep my nerves in check. But, like all things I know it takes time. I just hope I can hold out long enough to get to the end of the tunnel, cause sometimes it seems like that light I think I see is teasing me.
posted 10 Feb 2013, 01:09
I recently acquired a new (new being new to me) laptop that I only paid a hundred bucks for. Its a vio with the following specs:▼11 comments
280GB IDE HDD
4GB DDR2 RAM
Intel Pentium duel core processor at 2.2GHz
DVD RAM drive
There are more specs but none that matter. The laptop had Windows 8 demo running on it, and the guy didn't feel like fixing it, because this is the same guy I put Ubuntu studio on another laptop for because he is a dj and his laptop crashed. He gave me a good deal on this one as payment because I didn't charge him for the other job. I have a Gentoo based distribution running on it right now, freshly done today and it runs like a dream.
Now, I have four systems:
HTPC is currently running Crunchbang now on the 2TB HDD, sense its for entertainment.
ALL in one still needs fixing, gotta replace the motherboard data cable, but once done will be slapping the 640GB in there, and putting slackware on it.
The other laptop is still running Arch Linux openbox.
That brings me to an opinion aspect of this blog. I want to change to another distro on the older laptop. I want you guys to suggest some I haven't used. Ill try them out, figure them out, deck them out, then write tuts and reviews on them. :)
posted 09 Feb 2013, 07:21
I look at where I am now emotionally, in comparison to how I was a year ago when all that bad happened between me and my ex girlfriend. I remember how tore up I was, but also how niave I was. I, manifesting an issue I have always had and still have, downplayed my lack of fault and allowed myself to be convinced that I was the bad one in all of it, that I wasn't good enough. Sense then I have realized it was her that was not good enough, and even members of her own family have told me that, telling me of how her life is nothing but drama now. She even ended up getting pregnant for the same guy she was making plans to cheat on me with, then he threw her out when she told him. Karma is a bitch am I right?
Despite everything she did to me, part of me still feels hurt. I know this because every now and again I'll see a picture shes in or hear a song she likes and I start to feel that familiar sting in my chest. All I ever did was love her, much stronger than she ever deserved me to. I took being lied to, cheated on (until I had proof), lied ABOUT, and talked to like dirt until she wanted me for something. I was a fool in love. I never wished bad on her, even after all that. All I ever wanted was to be loved, and part of me wants my friends that were lost because of her to realize what really happened. But, the fact is that may never happen, and even if it did, it wouldn't make me feel any better.
My life is better off without her and her negativity, drama, dishonesty, and downright slutty behavior. I see her now, and feel ashamed to have ever wanted to be with her, but yet, some part of me still cares no matter how hard I try to tell myself I don't, because I know I shouldn't.
My life is much better now. But, as I near yet another valentines day I'll spend alone, I cant help but question one thing: Why is it that people like her find someone, while good people like me are forced to endure the pain of being alone? Especially on a day spent honoring love.
My heart is no longer shattered, but there are still some cracks there. I guess I am just waiting on someone to come along that will give me the love I not only deserve, but need, because my life has always lacked in that department.
posted 26 Jan 2013, 03:17
Hello blog readers. Today's blog post will be discussing the recent buzz around the 2nd amendment, my opinions regarding both sides of the argument, and some additional information. All discussion is welcomed, as long as we can debate the issue without insulting one another.▼27 comments
Rather you believe in conspiracy, in shadow government, or some unknown force secretly running things behind the scenes, one thing cannot be argued; there is something very wrong with this country and its been like that for a long time. Every day our rights and freedoms are being infringed, most of the time unbeknown to us.
The latest assault, is that of our 2nd amendment, the right to bare arms. The ultimate purpose of this clause isn't to hunt and fish, because back then that was the only way to feed your family. The real purpose was to safeguard our freedoms and give us a means to protect ourselves against attacks, but most importantly, to protect ourselves from oppressive government.
As many of you know, I have researched government and geo-political goings on for years. Some of the information I present you believe, and some you do not. For the sake of preserving the premise in which this blog was posted upon, I will try to keep the topic purely on the 2nd amendment.
They want to ban guns because of the recent proliferation of mass shootings, despite the fact that the media is failing to report, and by design I might add, pertinent details:
1. 100% of the people who have committed these awful crimes have either been mentally ill and slipped through the cracks of the mental health system, or were under the influence of a mind altering drug.
2. In most cases, the mentally ill or drugged individual was able to get a weapon by illegal means.
3. There were no legit licences to carry in either shooting.
Number three is important to this topic. You see, here is what the media refuses to acknowledge. A gun is merely a tool, vulnerable to the intent of the person behind it, much like a screw driver or a wrench (those are used to kill, wanna ban those to?). I will present for you some facts, and feel free to check it out for yourself if you doubt them.
1. In every country or "gun free zone" that has banned guns, the crime rate has shot up drastically. A good example of this is Mexico, where only the drug cartel has guns and hundreds of thousands of Mexican citizens are killed annually by the drug cartel.
2. It is impossible to stop crime completely, but in places where people are licensed to carry, not only does crime drop, but certain types of crimes like rape, assault, and home invasion goes completely away in some cases.
3. The media likes to use shootings like that of the movie theater to get people behind the push, but what they fail to realize is had there been a license to carry there, he could have been taken out before killing so many people.
What is your position regarding the second amendment?
I will close with one final note, and some quotes from our founding fathers regarding the 2nd amendment.
Everyday our rights are being taken. They are trying to limit our free speech, trying to take rights promised to us and deemed unalienable by the constitution, and trying to ignore the legislative process in order to further their esoteric agenda. The ubiquitous nature of their blatantly secret, yet obvious, agenda is mind boggling. People constantly voice their opposition, yet do nothing. If we want to stand up for our rights, if we want to rid the government of corruption, if we want to replace corrupt politicians, end the fed, and restore America to its former glory, then we as a people need to fight back.
Qoutes from our Founding Fathers, and others, regarding the 2nd Amendment:
"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed – unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms." – James Madison.
"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed – unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms." – James Madison.
"The usual road to slavery is that first they take away your guns, then they take away your property, then last of all they tell you to shut up and say you are enjoying it." – James A. Donald
"After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it. I sure as hell wouldn't want to live in a society where the only people allowed guns are the police and the military." – William S. Burroughs
"The Constitution shall never be construed … to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms." – Samuel Adams.
"When they took the 4th Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the 6th Amendment, I was quiet because I am innocent.
When they took the 2nd Amendment, I was quiet because I don't own a gun.
Now they have taken the 1st Amendment, and I can only be quiet."
– Lyle Myhr
"Armed people are free. No state can control those who have the machinery and the will to resist, no mob can take their liberty and property. And no 220-pound thug can threaten the well-being or dignity of a 110-pound woman who has two pounds of iron to even things out … People who object to weapons aren't abolishing violence, they're begging for rule by brute force, when the biggest, strongest animals among men were always automatically right. Guns ended that, and a social democracy is a hollow farce without an armed populace to make it work." – L. Neil Smith (from The Probability Broach)
"When the resolution of enslaving America was formed in Great Britain, the British Parliament was advised by an artful man, who was governor of Pennsylvania, to disarm the people; that it was the best and most effectual way to enslave them; but that they should not do it openly, but weaken them, and let them sink gradually...I ask, who are the militia? They consist of now of the whole people, except a few public officers. But I cannot say who will be the militia of the future day. If that paper on the table gets no alteration, the militia of the future day may not consist of all classes, high and low, and rich and poor..." - George Mason, Virginia Constitution Convention.
"A strong body makes a strong mind. As to the species of exercise I advise the gun. While this gives moderate exercise to the body it gives boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind. Let your gun, therefore, be the constant companion of your walks." – Thomas Jefferson
"Gun control? It's the best thing you can do for crooks and gangsters. I want you to have nothing. If I'm a bad guy, I'm always gonna have a gun. Safety locks? You will pull the trigger with a lock on, and I'll pull the trigger. We'll see who wins." – Sammy "The Bull" Gravano, whose testimony convicted John Gotti
"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them." – Richard Henry Lee 1788
"In a land where guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns." -unknown.
I think you get the idea. Let us stand up and defend our freedoms. The collective group of citizens that obey the law should not be punished for the deeds of the few. If we let this stand, the most important document in American history will become useless, our history gone, and our people enslaved. Stand up now, or forever be enslaved. Your choice. In the great words of our founding fathers, this is my choice.,.....GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!
posted 25 Jan 2013, 03:40
As the blog title insinuates, I am going to lay a few things out on the table regarding my blogs and mind of r00t posts.▼42 comments
1. They are a reflection of my opinions and topics. I can post on any topic I choose. If you disagree with one, and cannot voice that without being a knob, don't bother posting because its one sided moronic behavior like that that pisses me off.
2. I don't claim to be "the shit" with Linux, that is mainly what others state in regards to myself. I do, however, have a lot of knowledge I have acquired, and I share some of it via tutorials and other things. I don't have to justify, or prove, my knowledge to anyone. I know what I know, and those who know me do as well. People outside of that focus group, quite frankly, don't affect me when they try and insult me based on some minute disagreement.
3. Knowledge is expressed in different ways. I don't have to share knowledge in a way that you approve, and I don't have to post in ways you approve, for the sake of your approval. I have openly admitted that there are people out there smarter than I, but considering I am self taught, I know a lot, and any attempt to make me sound stupid will only make YOU sound stupid, because quite frankly smart people don't have to tell people how smart they are. People who do that are probably just information regurgitators.
4. I loath people who cannot voice an opinion without insulting somebody, for no reason at that. I don't care what you know or don't know. I am passionate about computers, and about Linux. I share knowledge with the community because I choose to, and I post the way I choose to. I don't have to go into advanced configuration details if I don't want to, besides I am trying to inspire discussion. The terms I already use is out there to some. So if you don't like me or the way I post, or you have some kind of opinion of me for some stupid reason, bluntly put, fuck off. I wont be insulted without provocation, and I wont and cant be made a fool of. Such childish behavior only makes you look foolish.
The people who this is aimed at will know who they are. If you don't like the way I contribute knowledge, piss off. I share when I decide to share. I don't have to prove anything to anyone just because I don't go into hour long rants about advanced levels of system configuration. So how about you live and let live. I have opinions, you have opinions. I post my way, you post your way. If I can respect that, why can't you?
posted 20 Jan 2013, 06:53
I know I made a thread about this in mind of r00t, but it seems that my blogs and threads meet different readers, so here is the topic.▼14 comments
I am super nervous about the test, even though I know its well in my ability to pass it. I also know that there are some areas I should look over to refresh, sense the test is very specific.
A KAT member was kind enough to upload me a study guide, but the issue was I couldn't read it because it was such a large document, my ereader would freeze up. I am hoping that someone can help me out, and possibly give me an idea on how difficult the test will be.
I know its a 2 part test, to be taken at my leasure. I have to pay 183 dollars for the voucher, which will be used to schedule my test. Sense I can schedule it any time I want to, I want to study up and prepare, so any help doing that would be greatly appreciated. I found a website that has some practice tests and reading material but the site is outdated, and some of the example questions on the official site were way different.
posted 19 Jan 2013, 06:56
As a computer tech and themer, I like to challenge myself from time to time. The challenge, simply put, is to please my own picky nature when it comes to themes. I have been a custom themer for so long now, that it takes more and more to impress me. Impressing me is about more than appeal. It has to have the right color combination, the right blend of complexity and simplicity, and it has to be easy on the eyes due to my terrible vision.▼11 comments
I wanted to share with you all my latest work in the theme area. I didn't want to bother posting it in the theme thread because no one seems to post there anymore and the way I get my themes seen is posting them on blogs. So here it goes.
I think you will get a kick out of the wallpaper.