SPAM SPAM SPAM - For Just Raving On About Nothing!14 July 2011, 11:47 (1 year ago)
1670 replies before
 Sounds like a very dysfunctional family. Is this what happened to her first two husbands...brow beaten by a bully/controlling father-in-law.
It`s good that you vented here. Don`t do anything emotionally in retaliation. Discuss the situation with your girlfriend and perhaps make a decision to avoid the parents in the future. I don`t believe the fathers aggressive behaviour is going to change. Either that...or jump and run..! LOcked myself outa the house, yesterday. If there was ever the urge to smash in a door...I found it. HOWEVER, my immediate mentally response, after I hit the door with my shoulder, is that I had reinforced the the door and the locking mechanism...........then this shock of pain, ran through my shoulder.
 Tintapper1572
I was out with my girlfriend last night, I took her out for dinner. We had just finished ordering, when her parents walked in. Immediately, they came and sat with us. from that point on, it was a nightmare. I'm 59. My Girlfriend is 46. Yeah, okay, I'm older then her. I met her just a year ago. Her Mom is just two years older then me. Her Dad is 74. Get the picture? About half-way through the meal, everything gets turned up-side down. He starts in on me about our age difference, and how she could do better, (she's been married twice) you know the drill. I'm minding my own business, letting him go on and on. He's getting louder and louder, and other people are starting to take notice. He says, you know, you aren't good enough for her, and TOO OLD for her! I'm burning by this time. My mind is working overtime. I did the math. He's thirteen years older then Her mom. I'm just the same, thirteen years difference. She's 46, her Mom is 61. That means her Mom was just FIFTEEN when her daughter was born. That also means that Her dad was TWENTY-SEVEN! And he's going off on me? I'm pissed by this time. Livid. Finally I lean over and whisper in his ear. I might be older then your daughter, but at least when I started dating her, I wouldn't have been ARRESTED for it. I calmly got up, told them all that I had heard enough, and was leaving. My girlfriend got up, and left with me. I paid everybody's tab on the way out. Before I got back home, there were three very nasty messages on my phone from them, and they also called her place and He DEMANDED that she stop seeing me. Today, I get a call from her mom, saying I should apologize to them for starting a big fight with them! She said I ruined their evening! I have no idea what I should do, write it off and apologize, because clearly something's not quite right with his thought processes, or call him on it. I'm not talking about smashing the old fu#$er in the head or anything, but telling him off. This has been burning my ass all day. I'm usually not like this, I mind my own business and just leave it alone, but they won't quit! I just have to get this out of my brain and put it on paper, so to speak, so I can get past it, but I'm seriously thinking about telling him what I think of him. My girlfriend is on my side, or as far as I know she is. What should I do?
That is a really tough position to be in Tintapper but even with that kind of provocation you kept your cool and I think that is the way I would try to play it. If he speaks to you like that again the best course of action might be to meet his aggression with a smile and a reasonable disposition. Not easy to do of course but it will demonstrate to your girlfriend that you are above it all and will give your father in law nothing to fight against. And there is nothing worse when you are trying to pick a fight with someone than them behaving in a completely unconcerned manner, it will drive your father in law insane.
Last edited by AhrimanThorn12871, 1 year ago  You know, it was just one of those moments for me. I appreciate just being able to vent. The G/F is looking over my shoulder right now. I'm beginning to think that all you people are like a older brother right now. Once this all cools off, I'm going to have a little conversation with them. H33l yeah, I'm calmed down now, and thanks for listening!
 That's an excellent point, Ahriman! Also, sounds to me like you're dealing with a man who is a "Control Freak" ... a "personality disordered" person who probably cannot be reasoned with in normal terms. Keeping your composure, staying calm, as Ahriman suggests, and not allowing him to bully you at the same time will not be easy! Control freaks don't want any competition for the attention of "their women"! He's probably threatened by you for the very reasons you pointed out - he recognizes the similarity between you and your girlfriend and him & his wife! Because he's a controller, he resents you for that! He thinks he owns her, just as he "owns" his wife, and you are a threat to his hegemony! Be careful with this weirdo! Control freaks can be really dangerous, in all the ways mentioned by RonthePirate164303 and SkyMtn13043 , and more. They are "personality disordered" - so they are not likely to respond to rational responses or reasoned behavior. Don't let this guy get to you. He's the one with the big problem (and I feel sorry for his wife and daughter)... not you!
 At 74 i think he needs a good belting myself.. your what your 59. it's not like you two are teenagers as in your mrs and you.. yep i'd lift him and say, gee buddy your 30 years to late to be throwing orders around (add words here KAT does not allow)..
Let me give you a hand with that, LocalBay! I'll toss the salad at him while you whack him up side his ugly head!
 You are SO right... it's amazing to hear that a 74 year old fart was attacking a man 15 years his junior in a restaurant verbally. The man should be locked away in a nursing home! |
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