I can't stand up straight i have a calf strain and it's keeping me off balance lol...

Yes and i bet a few of you clicked this really reeeally fast.. hehe

i put viagra in the towns water supply once and after a house fire the the firemens water hoses would not roll back up.

What am I doin' here !
Laptp five !

this book might help solve erection problems.

Won't stay up? Popsicle sticks and medical tape. Swelling won't subside? Pour a very large cup of ice down one's pants. Should do the trick. :)

I can't have any erection problems because I'm awesome !

I tried that stuff once, but I have a problem taking pills, it got caught in my throat and I had a stiff neck for 3 days......Just sayin.....

I am normally quite expensive but since you are staff this first medical consultation is free of charge.
What you need to do is strain the other calf and that should straighten you out and return you to your previous state of equilibrium. Having both calf muscles strained though is going to make walking extremely painful so I recommend carrying a good supply of tissues with you so you can dab away at the tears as they roll down your cheeks. No need to thank me, I’m glad to help. Next patient please.

LOL.. Ahriman! You forgot to mention that he should rent a wheel chair ... he's going to need one after your "consultation"!